He's home.. For a month while he was away I held my breath and prayed when I woke for him to be guided to take best care of himself and gave praise and thanks nightly that he had a healthy day. On his last full day I sat at dinner with my other son silently celebrating that he made it a month without incident. Then the phone rang and he told me he had an episode. He was fine, but he had one.  He finished the night -having the best night of his life- went to his convocation loaded the car with his stuff and we're heading home. By this point I've come to terms that his "hardware" is doing what it's there to do and he's going to have these moments.. Then I hear a beeping coming out of his chest.

The next day... he's still beeping...He's also still feeling well and relaxing into being home, but I am a tripping head exploding mess on the inside because tomorrow we're off to the hospital to find out why he's beeping.  There is a reason, good or bad - there is a reason. But more than anything I just want it to all go away. I just want him to have the greatest life, free of these worrisome days.  I want him to be healthy and able to experience everything and have a long happy life. I want to throw a tantrum and scream and holler and bully all this away. Then I want to cry and hide and sleep it all away. But neither are real options. So I'll pray and lean and draw strength  from my Highest Power.